Thursday, January 6, 2011

Having it all

We should never complain about being bored.

E.M.T. class starts tonight.  No, I'm not recerting at a lower level--I'm teaching.  So until May, most Tuesday and Thursday evenings you will find me working with students on basic EMT skills.  This added into my regular 12 hour shift on Monday and 24 hour shift Thursday(which now will be Wednesday into Thursday, so I can leave at 4pm on Thursdays and head to class). 

And then last night while at work, my husband texts me to tell me that our boss wants us to take Critical Care Paramedic class.  CCEMT-Ps are trained in critical care transports and can do more than a paramedic.  Our agency is offering to pay for the class, mileage to and from, as well as an $1100 bonus and extra pay.  It's hard to pass this up, especially now with less hours available at work.  But every Saturday for three months away from Josh? It will be a full day, since the class is held an hour and a half away from home.  It starts at 8 am and ends at 4:30pm, so it will be an all day event. 

But my husband really, really, really wants us to take it.  His argument is that Joshua is just as happy now with grandparents as he is with us(maybe even happier, since it's way more fun at Grandma's, since Grandma and aunties have time to play all day, and Mommy doesn't), and it's way easier to do it now and get it done than when we have two or three or more kids.  And I know he's right. CCEMT-P is a certification that I will need to get at some point, and is required if I ever want to think about specializing in critical care transports or becoming a flight medic.
It's just a huge time commitment right now, between work, my paramedic refresher and helping out with the EMT class. 

And I'm already exhausted and have given up on things like housecleaning and providing wholesome homemade food.  I read all these blogs where the families have such a different lifestyle than we do--moms stay at home, cooking wholesome food from scratch and clothing their children with their own creations, dads go to work and come home at night, and everyone is happy.  And I wonder why we can't have a lifestyle that seems to peaceful and idyllic.  Why we're so stressed, and often exhausted, and things just keep piling up, both in housekeeping and just general things to do.  

Here is the truth: One cannot have it all. At least not at the same time.
One cannot have a beautifully kept house, clean children, and healthy, homemade-from-scratch meals while pursuing a career. Something has to give.  
Right now in my life, homemade spaghetti and a sparkling clean house is not what's going to happen.  Nobody is going to die if I haven't dusted in a week and some nights we grab Pizza Hut pizza.  In the end, it isn't going to really matter if Josh had to spend some Saturdays with Grandma, or if he spends two days with Daddy instead of Mommy.  Mommy doesn't have a monopoly on Josh, even if I would like it that way.

It's somewhat revolutionary to say this.  I was always taught, especially in college, that you could have it all.  It never occurred to me that you couldn't.
And slowly but surely, I'm learning that it's okay.