Tuesday, July 20, 2010


I know I haven't written much. Life's been busy. I smell like spit up and baby formula and unwashed hair. I'm sleeping four hours a night and putting together an entire orientation and training program at work. And I just went back on the road two weeks ago. I've missed work. I like teaching. I like being a paramedic. I love my son.

But I am so tired all the time.

Other things have been stressful. There is much infighting and arguing and silliness going on, not between my husband and I(though, admittedly, we've found ourselves bringing some of it home) but between colleaues. Things we've been caught up in, things we've taken much too seriously. I have no use for drama, or BS, or stupidity. It's too much like religion; people take what they believe and what works for them too seriously, and criticize everyone else. Instead of recognizing and appreciating people's differences and choices, we demand that everything must be one way, without searching for a compromise. And that means that there are hurt feelings and hurt people, with long time friendships split and people divided into little factions. And I simply have no use for that.

I've found motherhood to be lonely. Part of it is that I don't know a lot of women my age. Many of the mothers I know in my area had children early and are well out of the infant stage. The women I know from college and graduate school are, like me, pushing 30, but many of them have yet to marry, and the ones who are married are waiting a quite a bit longer for kids. And I am afraid that, as time goes by, we will have less and less in common. Mostly, though, there is just nobody around me that I have anything in common with, and even though my husband tells me to find activities where I can meet people, I can't find much I'm interested in. This isn't exactly an exciting, family friendly town where I live.

Am I complaining? Not really. I just wish there was Gymboree and Mommy and Me and baby swim lessons in this area. I wish that the churches around here were not so quick to subtly condemn working moms and offered things in the evenings, instead of Tuesday mornings. I wish that my decision to keep my baby with me in church didn't relegate me to the back pew. I wish...maybe all I wish is that we were all not so quick to condemn.


Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Since I am on of those mothers that married young and had babies starting at age 23, I'm not sure what to say. I guess I am so glad that I did it while I was young, because I was 34 when I had my last baby and I seem to have way more energy then!LOL!

I am sorry that things are ugly at work. That makes it so hard. It's hard not to bring that stuff home, too.

Is there a MOPS group around there? The MOPS I attended had mothers from every walk of life, some Christian, some not, some worked, some didn't, some breastfed, some didn't. You get my drift. It was VERY diversified. People were very respectful towards other's beliefs.

I will be praying for you. Motherhood is hard. God is with you, cry out to Him when you are overwhelmed and see if He does not answer, even if it is in the little things.

Blessings to you and your family.

smoore2213 said...

Things are better. I'm just working a lot of hours and my husband is working a lot of hours and it wears on me. There are a few MOPS programs around here, but they all meet during the day when I'm at work.

I'm just tired. Sometimes I whine too much.