Each other

I saw the movie Julie and Julia last night with my sister-in-law, Melissa. I loved it...I kept poking her all the way through, whenever Julie's husband Eric would say something, and whisper, "That's just what Rob would say..."

And it was true. This movie reminded me a great deal of my own marriage. The husbands of both Julie Powell and Julia Child were supportive, encouraging, and incredibly loving of their wives. They were each others' best friends. Both on-screen couples clearly adored each other, loved spending their time together, and were madly, crazily in love--even in the case of Julia and Paul Child, who clearly had been married quite some time.

And, sometimes, the wives acted like they didn't have the time to be married, and ignored their husbands and said things that hurt them. Sometimes the husbands forgot that they promised to support their wives even when it was hard. Sometimes their marriages, like everyone else's, wasn't perfect...but they loved each other, and came back, and worked through it, even when it was hard.



I really liked this movie.



We're entering another of those never-seeing-each-other weeks. Fortunately though, most of our work schedules are the same, though we're at different agencies this week. Rob's at North Seneca tomorrow at midnight to noon Wednesday, and I'm at Schuyler midnight tomorrow till 7pm Wednesday night. Tonight, Robbie came home after having not slept for over twenty-four hours(people need ambulances at ridiculous times of the night, usually for something like ear pain or an abscessed tooth), so I sent him to bed after dinner(he didn't complain much). I'm heading there myself...I had a long workday myself and an early morning, and who knows if I'll sleep tomorrow night.



So I get to go crawl into bed next to my best friend--and sharing a night together is not something we can ever take for granted, because it happens so rarely--and know that, even if sometimes we aren't perfect, I will always be his wife, and he will always be my husband. Even when we're tired, even when we have only a few waking hours together, even when the nights are long, the days are grueling, and the pager is never quiet--at the end of all that, at some point, we will always come home to each other.

This week's fun

To do list for this week:

Monday:

Work 0800-1630

Homework
Mail books

Use strawberries for dinner before they go bad

Clean out refrigerator
Gather garbage

Tuesday:
Make sure garbage gets set out for trash collection
School 0730-1500

Remember to get parking sticker

Scrub bathroom

Fold laundry in bedroom

Wednesday:
Work midnight to 7pm

Homework

Meeting at work, 7:30pm

Dishes

Sweep floors

Thursday:
School, 0730-1230

Mop floors

Laundry

Homework

Meeting at fire department, 7:30pm

Friday:

Mail books

Straighten book shelves

Make grocery list and go grocery shopping
Fold laundry and put away

School, 1200-1450

Saturday:
Not sure yet. I'm sure it will get filled. In fact, I think I have something, I just don't remember what it was

Sunday:
Work 0800-1630

So that is my fun week. In between this, Rob starts another job per diem as a paramedic at an agency about thirty miles away. He is now working his full time job as well as two per diem jobs. But as he said, while I'm in nursing school, he might as well pick up a second and third job, as I'm not home, and he hates to sit home alone.

Homework is ridiculous. Only in paramedic school did I have this much homework before; and I wasn't trying to deal with a million hour a week plus on call job, husband, house, and two ADHD kittens on top of it. But I'm glad I'm doing this; the more I work around the hospitals the more I truly want to get my RN. Maybe it would have been easier ten years ago, but I now have a wealth of other knowledge and experience that can only serve to help me. And, honestly, I probably never would have gotten my EMT-P if I had been a nurse for the last however many years. I might have gotten my basic, but I doubt I ever would have gone on for my medic.

So my husband sleeps, gearing up to go into work at night till midnight, and I have to go find my uniform and make sure I didn't mess it up too badly yesterday, since I haven't had a chance to do uniform washing in a while. And then I think I'm just going to go to bed...morning comes soon enough.

Babies

This entry is sort of personal. If you don't want to read it for that reason, I understand. It's not something I'd normally share, but it's what's going on in my life, and most of the people who read this are people who know me in real life, anyway. I am someone who believes that most humans share the same feelings, struggles, and joys; that my joys and sorrows are little different than most other peoples. I also have a real issue with blogs that do nothing but present a little picture of perfection. I am not perfect, and I think that setting oneself up that way does nothing more than discourage others. I don't cook very often, sometimes my husband leaves his empty glasses of milk and dirty socks lying around and I let that irritate the crap out of me, I am not nearly as disciplined when it comes to exercise and cleaning as I should be.

So the truth is that Rob and I want a baby. It would probably not be so urgent in our minds, as I am trying to go to nursing school and he is getting settled into a paramedic career, and time for both of us is short. But time is short in more ways than one, and my gynecologist believes, based on bloodwork, that I am rapidly hurtling towards an early menopause. We're talking menopause before the age of thirty if his and my reproductive endocrinologist opinions are correct. Because of this, and a long history of other things, my gyn agreed to fertility drugs without waiting the usual year-of-trying waiting period. The first month of Clomid produced three embryos, but none of them were able to implant. I'm in the middle of the second month now, but after next month, we will probably stop the drugs for a variety of reasons. I don't think we'll pursue further fertility treatments, at least not for a while.

I may never have a biological child, I may never have any sort of child, but we decided that we would rather try and fail, than choose to not try and wonder later on. And it has been pointed out by several people that, had I chosen to marry earlier and start popping out kids, I probably could have had some. And my doctors agree with that; I waited too long. My response, of course, is that I cannot believe what some people think is their business.

But I had to think about this. Perhaps I did wait too long; putting education and career ahead of family...but I truly feel that I would have missed out on a great deal if I had married young and starting popping babies out. I would have missed friends, and travel, and education, and a whole host of things that contribute to me being well-rounded as a person. If we have children now, we will be able to support them, financially and emotionally. We are both older and have enough life experience to have patience and love for our children, and not feel like we missed out on anything in life. Granted, a baby now would mean that I would be mostly absent for the first four years of it's life due to finishing my degrees, but the end result would be worth the short-term sacrifice. A baby in our lives right now would not be the best of plans, but we have decided it would be better than looking back and wishing we had had a child.

So I don't think it is a waste. I think nothing in my life has been a waste. If we are meant to have children(and it will be only one; I have no real desire for any more than that), then we will. If not, and it is too late, then we are so very happy alone, in our busy and hectic lives right now where we seem like ships passing in the night, and none of that will have to change. But for now we will try, for another few months at least, and whatever happens, happens.

Some more wedding pictures

We are flying to Atlanta tomorrow, and where is my husband? Out running ambulance calls.

Oh well...I am packed, at least, and I will take this opportunity to give you even more wedding photos. :-)

For those reading my blog who are a bit confused, Robbie and I married in a private ceremony at home on March 7th with only immediate family present. I always wanted to be married at home, and circumstances just arose that made it not only possible, but prudent(no, not pregnancy). We still had the date booked at Hill Top Inn for July 25th, though, and couldn't get our money back, so we decided to have a large renewal of the vows on that day.

So here are some more pictures from July. The professional ones are up, we're just waiting for the CD containing them so I can upload. They're beautiful, I promise. I think it's the Hokey Pokey.

going back to school

I went up to the college today. My plans for a master's degree were scrapped after spending a lot of time thinking and talking to people about it. The truth is that my husband and I would like to stay in our hometown where we live now, and an M.A. in emergency management isn't going to do much good here. I have been looking at nursing school for about three years, and this year we decided it was time to go for it. Every year before just hasn't felt right to me, but this year I researched my options, scheduled the necessary pre-requisites, worked a lot of overtime, and saved up for tuition. We decided that attending the community college for my A.S. in nursing was the best option, and I can do an RN-to-BSN program down the road. It will still take me three years to do this, and that's if life doesn't throw me any curves along the way.

I went up to purchase my books and try to get into another class. I've chosen to go full time this semester to get as many prerequisites done, so I can go light next semester if I want. I felt old as I walked around campus, and I found myself realizing that, this year, it will be 10 years since I started there the first time. I now have a number of college degrees, a paramedic certification, a husband and apartment and two cats. I also am thirty pounds heavier, have an overwhelming amount of student loans(hence all the overtime worked to pay for college this trip around), and am working four days a week while trying to go to school. I was noticing all the other students buying their books; girls who are thin, with long hair and not-tired eyes, clutching hands with saggy-pant wearing boyfriends. Seventeen, eighteen years old; they all seem to be majoring in criminal justice. Many of them will never finish college; that's just the way it is at a community college such as this one. Others will go one, use it as a starting point to leap off to bigger and better places and things.

But what about me? I remember the older students in my classes; we hated them, they wrecked the grading curve and had the understanding that experience is worth more than knowledge in many areas. I figured, quite honestly, that they were failures of their own making; single mothers trying to make their way through, people who had chosen not to go to college in the first place because they were dumb. I was seventeen and arrogant...now I wonder how many simply looked at this world and realized they were not in their proper niche.

This time around, there won't be clubs and activities, and I'm not particularly interested in socializing. I need a degree, and I'm going to get one, and hopefully discover Dean's List along the way. Ten years later I have a wealth of knowledge and experience, a man who adores me, and a job that makes school and study possible. This time around, I look forward to the adventure.